


The Moon & the Stars & You

by darwinsdonut



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Background Doc, Blood Gulch, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Iris - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, angst & fluff, fluff ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darwinsdonut/pseuds/darwinsdonut
Summary: Donut has two startling and simultaneous realizations one night: that he has feelings for Caboose, and that he absolutely doesn't deserve Caboose.





	The Moon & the Stars & You

It started on a clear windless night under the shining silver beams of the moon. 

A custom had formed between Caboose and Donut, that each night they took resident on the cliffs that bordered the canyon and talked long into the night. In a useless box canyon in ass-nowhere, Donut had to take what pleasures he could find, and there were few of those. Caboose- Caboose was always a pleasure. 

The innocence of his smile and his bright beaming blue eyes, reflecting moonlight and stars, always carried Donut to a happier place, somewhere beyond this hell-hole. The Blue’s easy companionship, positive outlook, and enthusiastic manner of speaking had quickly rooted in Donut’s heart as an escape from his current purgatory. He didn’t really know what he’d do without him. 

Caboose spoke in soothing, chirpy tones about his sisters that lived on the moon while they watched the round yellow sphere that hung over Blood Gulch. Donut watched his face with an easy smile, fresh scars still healing on Donut’s head, wind hitting where hair once was. Donut’s vanity had been injured after the grenade, and while he was thankful to have survived, he needed this kind of talk with Caboose tonight more than ever. 

It was as Caboose shared an amusing anecdote about two of his seventeen sisters that Donut saw the pattern of Caboose’s freckles. 

They looked just like the stars overhead. 

Something softened in Donut’s eyes, some pain vanished from his head. He saw the wind toying in Caboose’s fluffy brown curls, he saw the curve of Caboose’s smile, he saw the freckles that danced on his cheek, perfect reflections of the stars overhead. And he realized just why he liked talking to Caboose so much. 

The sudden rush of realized affection met the crushing reality that Caboose was too good for anyone in this canyon, and Donut looked away. 

The stars, for the first time, offered no comfort. 

* * *

Donut couldn’t forgive himself for his sudden cease of interaction with Caboose. 

He knew he was a Red, and the Blues were technically his enemy, but that didn’t make it easy to stop being friends with the one person in this fucking canyon that had even an ounce of warmth. He swallowed his frustrations and pains and went about his days, cleaning the base and standing guard on the roof and pretending like any of it even meant anything. They all knew the Blues weren’t going to do shit, and they all knew _they_ weren’t going to do shit. So it was just Donut, pretending any of it meant anything, pretending he had something to do other than miss Caboose. 

And he _did-_ he missed Caboose with every ache in his heart, every toss and turn as he tried to sleep at night, every song that got stuck in his head. If “That’s Amore” got stuck in his head one more time, he was going to strangle someone. 

If Lopez, the Red Donut ended up spending the most time with, picked up on Donut’s unwitting depression, he didn’t comment on it. That’s part of why Donut lingered around the robot so much in the following week- he didn’t want to deal with any of the other three butting into his personal business. And it wasn’t like they’d approve, anyway, and he really wasn’t in the mood to hear their opinions. 

Donut sulked a while longer, but after a week and a half found himself meandering, impulsive and stupid and unable to help it, back up to the cliffs where he’d last spoken to Caboose. 

He found them empty, just like the hope that someone would be there. 

He sat under the moon for a long time that night, staring at twinkling stars and a quiet canyon, and he wondered what it was all for, and why it mattered. He… He wasn’t in love with Caboose. But it wasn’t friendship like it had been. It was something in between, and he needed to take time, to not walk onto random moonlit cliffs expecting freckles that matched constellations and eyes that shone brighter than the moon. 

And just the thought of letting go ached in all the wrong ways, but he decided he would try. 

* * *

It would be many months later, years even, before they talked about it. 

By that time, Donut had- well, he hadn’t gotten over Caboose, but he’d managed to learn to live with the idea of never being with him. It sucked, but he was okay with it. Doc had helped him through a lot of the worst nights, and for a while Donut had thought maybe he should try with Doc, but Doc was a friend and he needed him to stay that way. And Doc knew already just how much Donut held onto the thought of Caboose, so that was a no-go. 

A lot happened; new people came into their lives and old people permanently left. Tex was gone. Church was gone. Agent Washington and Agent Carolina had joined them in their retirement. The old Reds and Blues had finally settled down, and a heaviness weighed over them that hadn’t been present at Blood Gulch. Donut had been to hell and back, died and revived, gone on countless missions, and through it all held onto that one stupid seed of hope that someday, through some turn of events, he’d stand a chance with Caboose. 

He sat outside one night, his mind blissfully empty of any heavy thoughts, taking solace in the stars as he had done since he’d been drafted. A cool breeze stirred over the island, rustling the grass and the meth-meth-shrooms, toying with Donut’s hair, which had finally grown over that old scar. A sigh pulled through him, not as sad as usual but he was always sighing these days. 

Movement stirred across the way and he spotted a big blue figure emerge from the opposing base, coming to stand in sight of the moon. Donut could hear him humming some happy tune and a smile ghosted over Donut’s lips. He’d realized about a year ago that he was in love with Caboose by this point, and he’d accepted that. He didn’t have to do anything about it; he could just… Appreciate the little moments with quiet smiles, and enjoy his dreams. And now was one of those little moments. 

Caboose stepped away from the base, his eyes never straying from the moon, and Donut’s never from him. The breeze ran through Caboose’s curls, which had grown to his eyebrows but still didn’t mask those freckled cheeks. Donut pretended his heart didn’t ache as he remembered that night in Blood Gulch, sitting on the cliffs and realizing just how starstruck he was. 

It was as Donut’s heart melted to wist and wonder that Caboose suddenly looked over, as if he’d known Donut was there the whole time, and said, “Hi, Donut. Would you like to come look at the moon with me?” 

Donut’s chest ached. “Of course, Caboose.” 

He headed into the grassy region between the bases, and together the two men laid down under the starlight. 

“I wanted to ask you something,” Caboose said, naturally, since Caboose always had some kind of purpose for these things. 

Donut dared a glance at Caboose, and found his bright eyes turned to the stars. “What is it?” 

“Why did you stop coming to talk to me back in Blood Gulch?” 

Donut’s eyebrows drew together and he looked over at Caboose. “What? You- you remember that?” 

Caboose turned to him, landing their heads just a little too close in the grass. “I always have. You were my favorite person when we first got to Blood Gulch. And then you just stopped talking to me.” 

Donut stared at Caboose’s honest eyes and found he could offer nothing but the truth. He forced himself to face the stars and speak. 

“I had a huge crush on you and needed to get over that.” 

“Oh. Why didn’t you come back when you got over it?” 

Donut blinked as the silence stretched between them. 

“Unless- oh- _oh-_ unless you didn’t get over it.” Caboose still stared at Donut as the Red’s face warmed in the night. Caboose’s voice dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would not be mad. I would just tell you that I also have a crush on you! Wow, we could have been boyf-” 

_“Caboose.”_

“Am I getting ahead of myself?” 

“Definitely.” Donut held down the usual prickliness that threatened to emerge when he was hurt. “Caboose, look- it’s not that- it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s not that I wouldn’t be thrilled to be with you.” He couldn’t believe these words were even coming out; he wanted more than anything to tell Caboose _hell yes._ “But you- you deserve someone good. Someone better than me. And I’m just- just not good enough for you.” 

“Donut-! That’s- that’s ridiculous!” 

“No, it’s not-” 

“Why are you not good enough? What’s so bad about you?” 

“I’m… You wouldn’t understand.” 

“Oh, _stop being angsty!_ That’s not a real answer! When Tucker asked me how I was feeling and I said that, he said that’s a stupid answer and I’m better than that. And so are you. Give me a real answer, butthead.” 

Donut gaped at Caboose. “Did you just- call me a _butthead?”_

“I certainly did.” 

Donut couldn’t help but laugh under his breath, and he was about to go into a lengthy and dramatic angst fic monologue when Caboose interrupted. 

“Donut- I’m not as good as you think. I did bad things when I still lived on the moon. I got in fights, I stole from people, I lied all the time. I was not a good person. And then I lost someone very close to me, and my oldest sister got drafted, and I had to be a better person. So I joined the UNSC and ended up in Blood Gulch and decided to be happy. Because there was a lot going on, and no one had been very happy in a while, and I had not been very happy, so I took it as a fresh start. And now it has been so long I stay happy. But you should not worry that you are not good enough for me. I was not always good, and you have not been bad while I have known you. I think you are worrying too much. Yeah- yeah, that’s probably it. Washington said sometimes people get sad because they think they do not deserve to be happy. You are a good person, Donut, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Or the galaxy, or, well, you know.” 

And he was so _wise,_ and so understanding, and so much more complex than anyone would give him credit for- and Donut- Donut- 

Donut kissed him. 

There under the moon, Donut’s hand found Caboose’s jaw and his lips found Caboose’s mouth and his eyes closed. And Caboose kissed back with a smile, and Donut felt it and had to smile in return, and it was sweet and it was chaste and it was nothing like what Donut had thought he’d want, and it was everything Donut wanted. 

They laid there in the starlight afterward, and the wist and hope that had consumed Donut’s heart all these years finally swirled into cement. Donut’s eyes shone in the light of Caboose’s, and he was torn between kissing that smile once more and simply gazing at that lovely face. 

“Hey, Donut.” 

“Yes, Caboose?” 

“Do you want to know when I first realized I had a crush on you?” 

Donut’s brow drew together, but he was smiling. “Of course.” 

“We were sitting on the cliffs by Blood Gulch and I realized the yellow in your eyes matched the stars.” 

A smile broke across Donut’s face and he kissed Caboose again, again, again, there under the moon and the stars. 

It was starlight and splendor, and love and wonder, and the final relief after years of waiting- and it was happier than Donut had ever been.

**Author's Note:**

> stars are gay culture pass it on


End file.
